Master of Dragons Exploration

"What do you think that I need?" Ermes asked. She thought he worried too much. But he had always been like that. She was mildly amused.

"Well, what I think you need and deserve are the same, in my eyes. And of course, I believe you deserve the best." Ryuu said with a small smile, but he would think that. "In my eyes, I'm not the best. You think I deserve more than I think I do, a family for instance. But with how explosive my moods can be, it worries me. I feel... Everything, but in extremes. Nothing is a little. I don't get a little sad, or a little angry. So I think it would be the same with love, you could argue that it isn't a bad thing, but what if I get frustrated or angry at you? It's part of a relationship. My biggest fear is that I would hit you, or our children because I can't control myself."

"Ryuu, I'm a dragon. No offense but you're not going to hurt me." Ermes was amuses that he was even worried about such a thing with her. "Perhaps there is a way to regulate your emotions. Maybe we should look into if it would give you piece of mind," she suggested.

"It is not about whether or not I will hurt you, it's that I tried in the moment of anger." Ryuu shook his head, if he ever raised his hands to her in anger, he would never forgive himself. "Perhaps there is, I think it's called a soul, but we both know mine is otherwise engaged." He said with a little chuckle.

"So then we get you a new one," Ermes reasoned. "How hard can it be?" she asked with a little laugh. Probably pretty hard but nothing tried, nothing gained, right?

"I do not wish for another, Ermes." Ryuu shook his head as silly as it was, he didn't want to lead her on with that one. "If I were to have another, who would I be then? Whoever's soul it belongs too? Who should belong too? Do you think we can get an entire, brand new soul for me that won't change who I am? In anyway other than I could control my emotions like the average person? And would it then change the curse that Megumi placed upon me and I would no longer be immortal? Too many what if's that make me uncomfortable."

"Then what's your solution?" Ermes asked as her suggestion had been shot down because of the what ifs. Valid or not, the problem he was worried about had not been fixed. She was not concerned but she knew very well how he could be.

"I am not sure. I just want you to think about it. I'm going to try, I really am." Ryuu said, he didn't want her to be angry because it sounded like he was giving up. He wasn't, his concerns were real and valid. "Your influence is very swaying as well."

Ermes didn't reply to that. She looked up at the posts of her bed and the shimmery fabric wrapped around them. "And what about her?" she asked.

"Who?" Ryuu asked, he wasn't sure who she would be referring to right now. While naked and still in each other arms after a night if intimacy. He was very confused.

Ermes thought that was fairly obvious. But she didn't answer. She just chose to ignore it for now and see what came later when he visited her as he did daily. She just continued to look up. "I don't know why you're so afraid," she said quietly. "You've never hurt me before. Why would that change now?"

Perhaps it was, but when Ryuu's main concern was Ermes right now, it meant there wasn't much room in his head for anything else. "I'm always scared, Ermes. Always." He hasn't really admitted to that before but it was true anyway.

"Scared of what?" Ermes asked. "There's no reason for you to live in fear. Certainly not when it comes to me." She waited for him to explain before continuing going on.

"Scared of losing you and Jiro, the latter is happening for us both. Scared I will be discovered and hunted. Scared that eventually I will die and leave you alone, or worse before that happens I die and no one is there beside me. My life... It's been far from easy and while it's been a lot more simple since I died, I'm still terrified." Ryuu explained, he realised maybe it didn't make sense. Maybe it was a lot to take in and see from his point of view. But it was real to him. "I was always scared that I would fall for you and you would not return my feelings so I would be victim of another tragic love. I'm now fearful that maybe it will end up that way anyway."

Ermess brow furrowed and she turned her head to look at Ryuu. "You lived as a human in your normal life for not even thirty years. Three hundred years have passed since then with you living with me and Jiro, away from your kind, and yet you still base your fears and expectations off that short time that doesn't even make up for even a little majority of your overall life?" she asked him. "If you don't stop looking into the past then you will never have a future. I think it's gone on long enough. It's far time you moved on."

"I think in that I am even trying with you says that I am in fact moving forward. But you must accept my past as well as my future, or we will never work." Ryuu said, he didn't realised that perhaps she was feeling threatened by it and that was why she was saying such things. It just didn't occur to him. "I can't be a robot. I'm a person, I have fears and anxieties, Ermes. It's terribly unfair of you to dictate that it means I'm living in the past. If I was, I would not have told you how I felt."

"Perhaps it is unfair," Ermes said. "You are allowed your fears. I have had my own. I entered into a relationship with Jiro knowing that it would end and that we'd never work. Not exactly a smart choice on my part but it seemed the only chance I'd ever have."

"You thought Jiro was your only chance of love?" Ryuu asked, curiously. He hadn't figured that was why she had pursued it so hard, honestly. She was so lovely, it would be easy for her to be with people.

"Well he was persistent," Ermes said. She had turned him away for a while before finally giving in to him. "And the person I loved could not return my feelings so it seemed, at the time, the best option even if it wouldn't last forever. At least I'd get to feel love. Suppose I can't be mad at him for it turning out just as I expected it to. I just wished he'd been honest about it all at the end." That cat was so frustrating.

Ryuu understood that, he had told Jiro to be honest and he hadn't. Silly cat. "Who did you love before?" He asked then, wondering if he had to contend in the same manner as Jiro might have.

"Oh just this guy my entire life revolved around," Ermes answered. So there was that. She didn't want to say much more on it. Because he'd get it. Surely.

Ryuu didn't at first. It was obvious by the way his brow creased. But when he did, he just looked at her. "I beg your pardon?" He asked, making sure he'd heard her right.

"Oh you don't have to beg," Ermes said with a laugh, just being silly. She didn't clarify though. She wasn't going to make things that easy on him.

"Oh but clearly I do, seeing as you refuse to answer." Ryuu said, he was amused. He almost made a very silly comment. "I have no idea if you topped or bottomed for Jiro, but I assure you, you will not be the top with me."

"I'm not sure what that has to do with this," Ermes said, the confused one now. "Although we switched as the mood hit us as neither of us much cared about such things. But if you insist. I'm not sure how I'd top you as a female and you've made it quite clear you won't be intimate with me while male."